A year ago on today on Mother's Day, I finally came out and announced to the world about our infertility problems. We had been struggling for a couple years before we made it public, because it's something that didn't feel right to talk about with everyone yet. We weren't ready. Announcing it wasn't easy, but what came after really surprised me. So many amazing women reached out to me--many of them who had been secretly struggling as well. I've created this bond with these women and I love that I have people I can go to who know exactly what we're going through. There's something to be said about having a little support group to give you a little push when times are extra rough. Mother's Day is hard for me. And here's why:

I want what you have.
It's as simple as that one honest, brutal, unfair statement. I'm upset. Not at anyone. Not at myself, not at God, not at my doctor (who is basically God), not at my husband, not at the teenage girls getting pregnant all over the world. I'm just sad and upset that it's not happening for us. To all you mamas out there, just letting you know that I'm low-key jealous of you. That's not to say that I'm not beyond happy for you and think you're an amazing mom, but I'm jealous. It's hard when you've been wanting something so much for years, and it's still not happening. I want that pregnancy. I want those bonding moments. I want that baby. Okay, not yours particularly, but you know what I mean. ;)

It's hard for me to feel like there's not a huge part of me missing, because there is. Some days I feel the void more than others, but this whole month has felt.. just weird. It should be me. Why isn't it me? But during these times I just have to remember to trust the universe. Trust in the process. These times are so tough, but come Mother's Day next year, I will be celebrated. As a mother. I just have to keep telling myself that, right? ;)

Happy Mother's Day to all you gorgeous, amazing mothers out there. You're the real MVPs.

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