A year ago on today on Mother's Day, I finally came out and announced to the world about our infertility problems. We had been struggling for a couple years before we made it public, because it's something that didn't feel right to talk about with everyone yet. We weren't ready. Announcing it wasn't easy, but what came after really surprised me. So many amazing women reached out to me--many of them who had been secretly struggling as well. I've created this bond with these women and I love that I have people I can go to who know exactly what we're going through. There's something to be said about having a little support group to give you a little push when times are extra rough. Mother's Day is hard for me. And here's why:

I want what you have.
It's as simple as that one honest, brutal, unfair statement. I'm upset. Not at anyone. Not at myself, not at God, not at my doctor (who is basically God), not at my husband, not at the teenage girls getting pregnant all over the world. I'm just sad and upset that it's not happening for us. To all you mamas out there, just letting you know that I'm low-key jealous of you. That's not to say that I'm not beyond happy for you and think you're an amazing mom, but I'm jealous. It's hard when you've been wanting something so much for years, and it's still not happening. I want that pregnancy. I want those bonding moments. I want that baby. Okay, not yours particularly, but you know what I mean. ;)

It's hard for me to feel like there's not a huge part of me missing, because there is. Some days I feel the void more than others, but this whole month has felt.. just weird. It should be me. Why isn't it me? But during these times I just have to remember to trust the universe. Trust in the process. These times are so tough, but come Mother's Day next year, I will be celebrated. As a mother. I just have to keep telling myself that, right? ;)

Happy Mother's Day to all you gorgeous, amazing mothers out there. You're the real MVPs.



Photography by Kelsie Emm Photography

But for real though, Friday. You beautiful thing, you. I'm so excited for this weekend! I have been working my butt off all week to get our house ready to host my family over for Easter and it's finally all coming together. I'm that crazy kind of person that has to make sure everything about my house is absolutely perfect when people come over. THERE MUST BE NO SIGNS OF LIVING. Haha. No, but seriously. I'm actually serious. Hope you all have a great Easter weekend! 



Photography by Kelsie Emm Photography

[Don't even mind the fact that these pictures are from like, December?! I completely didn't realize I never posted this outfit. So, sorry bout it.]

"Infertility" was never a word used in my vocabulary before the age of 22, hell probably even 23. I got off birth control three years ago and we have obviously been struggling ever since. The funny thing is, for the longest time, we never considered ourselves to be "infertile" or "struggling to get pregnant", we just thought it was normal that it was taking a while. I had been on birth control for years, so I was sure my body was just balancing out and that it would take some time. If you read my first blog post about our struggles, you probably already know that after about a year we decided to go to an infertility doctor. We were still a little in denial that we had "issues". After a few failed rounds of clomid and lots and lots of tears, it hit me. We really do have issues. That felt like the breaking point for me. 

Lately, things have kind of been on hold while Taylor is on clomid. It's kind of a little funny (you know, trying to find the humor in all of this!) that we started this whole thing with me being on clomid, and now roles have reversed and Taylor is on it! I'm hoping we can end this whole thing with clomid, too. We still have a couple more weeks to wait and see if the clomid is working for Taylor, and then we can finally figure out if we are able to do another IUI (intrauterine insemenation) or if we have to move on to IVF (in vitro fertilization) or adoption. 

I truly never thought this would be my life--spending all of our savings on infertility treatments, researching adoption/IVF and deciding what the freak to do, putting my body through hell--it's really all way above my maturity level. ;) But such is life. Here we are, just trying to do this thang. 



Photography by Kelsie Emm Photography

Happy Tuesday, everyone! I hope everyone had a great weekend. I totally had the intentions of getting this post up yesterday, but such is life! Hope everyone rocks this week.



Photography by Kelsie Emm Photography

I know, I know. Floral for Spring? How innovative! ;) But come on, I think we can all agree that it's a trend for Spring that will probably never leave. It has completely stood the test of time so that makes it classic, right? 

I know I have been completely silent on here for like a week, but I was in Vegas with some friends and have been recovering since! Haha. We had so much fun in Vegas and I wish I would have taken more pictures and videos, but we were just having too much fun that I pretty much just forgot to take any! We don't have much going on this weekend, so I'm excited to just relax with my hubby and stay in. It's supposed to snow this weekend, ah! :( Anyway, hope you all have a great weekend!